The One About Propofol

Did you think I'd fallen off the face of the Earth? I sort've have-after having my baby, I then needed to have my gallbladder removed. I don't recommend two abdominal surgeries in as many months, if you can avoid it!

Anyway, have you been following the Conrad Murray trial? To be honest, after the whole child molestation accusations, Michael Jackson skeeved me out and I didn't follow him much except to notice he too fell of the radar. I have been somewhat interested in Conrad Murray's trial, though, because it reminded me vaguely of the situation with Jack Kevorkian. I am simply fascinated with the line between providing medical care, and providing a service for pay. I know the comparison is a stretch but try to stay with me on this one.

One of the experts at Murray's trial made a statement to the effect that Murray wasn't doing his due diligence as a medical professional, but rather was taking instructions against his better judgement, in the name of celebrity and profit. Now, obviously Kevorkian had a passion for helping people who were suffering (whether you agree with what he did or not, you must admit he did seem to care for his patients) but the fact is that he was doing something illegal, and something (intentionally) dangerous. I don't know if Conrad Murray cared about Michael Jackson but he was doing something dangerous and he knew it. He wasn't following medical protocol.

I think Murray giving Jackson Propofol was immoral and deplorable, but I also know people who work for celebrities can become enamored with their status and the wealth that might come from working for them. Clearly Murray violated all kinds of ethics in administering anesthesia as a sleep aid! But I truly believe it was just bad luck of the draw. It could've been any other number of physicians lacking a moral compass who enabled him in his drug addiction. I believe in my heart of hearts that if it wasn't Murray, it would've been someone else. There has been no evidence that any medical professional in his life stepped up to the plate to forcefully care for him as a patient and try to help him work through his issues. Now, I firmly believe an addict will only stop when they want to, and something tells me Jackson's narcissism and addiction prevented him from seeing himself in a true light. But! At the very least they could've tried to treat him the way all people seeking medical treatment deserve to be treated-with dignity and respect for their life. Addiction is a cruel, cruel beast.

I know this post is all over the place. Sorry for that. It was much more concise when I was composing it in my head at 3 a.m. What got me off on this misguided tangent was my gallbladder surgery. Another expert at the Murray trial said his patients ask him daily if the drug he is administering is the one that killed Jackson.

I feel bad for the manufacturer of Propofol; it is a good, effective drug. It has gotten a bad rap it doesn't deserve. Lots of medications are good medications but once you abuse something, you can't turn back and blame the drug. My anesthesiologist didn't specifically say he was using Propofol on me but I read the label when he was showing me the drug. I didn't so much as flinch. I knew it was being used in the appropriate way and I was thankful to have access to it. Anesthesia, to me, is a life saver of sorts. My operation, though routine and technically not life-threatening, couldn't be done without it. Well, I guess it could but I'd likely have gone into shock and died from that alone. (Side note, did you know when they remove your gallbladder they re-wire your intestines to your liver? Yeah, it's kind of a big deal.) And let me tell you, when I awoke from being put under, I felt like I'd been to hell and back. It was very difficult for me to regain all my faculties. I'm totally shocked someone could try to rehearse for a major stage show after being put under. I had to have my husband help me get dressed! Ugh!

All this to say, I will be intently watching to see the verdict on this one, as I truly believe a precedence may take place.

Is Whistling the New "Thing"?

Have you noticed there are a ton of songs on the Pop Top 40 that include whistling? I am left to wonder if it is one mega producer playing a joke on everyone, or if musicians have simply run out of ideas.

So.Much.Whistling.

Olives

One time I went to a dinner party where I didn't know anyone. The hostess was serving pasta and a salad. I watched as she took a can of whole olives and cut them into slices.

Doing so was very labor intensive.

Why would someone slice whole olives? They are sold whole, sliced, chopped, pretty much any way you could want them. Now me, I love me some olives, but for those who don't, leaving them whole would probably make it easier for them to pick out.

If she had been my friend, I totally would've questioned her olive cutting logic.

Well, That Was Rare!

Do you remember the actress Kim Field from The Facts of Life and Living Single? She was on today's rerun of The Wendy Williams Show. Unlike many (most?) child actors, she took her money and ran off with it to college. Pepperdine, to be exact. She now has a successful career working with money-machine Tyler Perry as a producer or something (I didn't pay close attention here, as I am not exactly Tyler Perry's demographic.)

Anyway, Wendy was talking to her about the fact that she developed physically at a very early age, and that many young women struggle with body image, etc. Wendy then went on to ask her if she had any advice for young women who struggle with such perceptions.

I almost fell out of my chair when I heard her response. No kidding, I was genuinely shocked. Kim looked directly into the camera and said, "Girls, you were created by God himself in His image. God doesn't make mistakes. Go forth with confidence knowing you look exactly how you are supposed to. Have confidence." I may have butchered some of the last part of her quote but you get the gist.

To clarify, I wasn't shocked at the content of what she was saying, as I happen to agree with her.

Rather, I was shocked that a person worthy of being on national television would speak so candidly regarding God on national television.  You don't see or hear that very often. I am impressed with her courage to risk alienation. We should all stand up for what we believe in, and Kim's words to young women were very inspiring. Kim is not exactly an A-list celeb, but in my mind she is an A-list person.

I Love Falsies!

Time for a random, uncompensated product review. (P.S. Maybeline, if you're reading, please feel free to send me some mascara, LOL!!)

Ladies, this mascara is a miracle product. I have paid a small fortune for products such as Lancome Extencils and this drug store product is better. I don't wear makeup often but if I wear only this mascara and some foundation to hide my terrible skin, I'm looking pretty good. I got mine for less than $5 at Walmart. There were three shades of black, which was perplexing, but I settled for the shade called Black Drama.

Run, don't walk to get this if you're on a budget like Yours Truly.

Photo: www.nerdygirlsmakeup.com

Is Tipping A Regional Thing?

If I receive poor service, I tip accordingly or not at all. It is my firm belief that a tip should be based upon quality of services rendered. It would seem tipping is a foreign concept here outside of the restaurant environment.

Thus far, the dog groomer, the window tint guy and the car detailer have all acted incredulous when a tip was offered. The auto detailer (who performed a $250 service for $50) went so far as to say nobody had ever tipped him!

So, am I tipping when I don't have to (or shouldn't) or is it weird for people to not receive a tip in various industries if they do an exceptional job?

Making A Good Case For Requiring A License to Breed

Have any of you been following the story of the Canadian parents who are keeping the gender of their child a secret? The short end of it is, they don't want their child to feel societal pressures regarding gender so they are keeping it a secret. Only their midwife, the child's doctor and their other children know the gender.

These parents are adamant that there is no such thing as gender, and that people are only determined to be male/female based upon how society reacts to them. To wit, their older son wears dresses, etc. Older articles discussed at length how their older daughter feels, but I don't remember. I'm sure if you wanted to learn more about the other siblings you could Google.

These people are ludicrous in their thinking. They're so concerned with society imposing their values and opinions, that they've neglected to notice they're clearly and blatantly imposing their quirks on the poor kid.  Obviously parents have a moral obligation to impart upon their children what they view as right from wrong, but this is off the charts nuts.

This poor kid does not stand a chance at normalcy with two nutcases at the helm. Nobody would've ever cared about this family or this baby until they decided to exploit the child.

Mind you, their issue is not about sexuality, only gender. So, what do you think-are they genius in their "experiment" or are they irresponsible for burdening their child in this way?

I'm Rich!

No, not really. In fact, not even close if we're talking abot material possessions. However, I decided to get all of my financial affairs in order prior to my c-section on the 26th. Since moving I have not really set up my filing cabinet or organized what we brought with us.

Two bags of trash and countless papers to shred later, I am the proud owner of several gift certificates. Some were left over from our wedding! I don't know how this happened since I love to shop as much as the next woman but I won't look a gift horse in the mouth (such an odd saying!)

We still have a lot of stuff we need to buy so this will really help! God always provides, that's all I can say!

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Sorry for the lack of posting as of late. I know I don't have a huge following, and it's highly likely anything I write is interesting only to me or close friends. But that said, I feel like I'd rather write nothing than write something even more mundane just to fill space. I have a lot of things brewing in my head but I absolutely need to stop procrastinating on that other side of my life, AKA Motherhood, and prepare for this pending major life change. Stay tuned.

You Might Not Know This, But...

I am a HUGE civil war fan. Well, really I love all history but a few events are my favorite: The Civil War, World War II, and all things (ancient) Egyptian. Today I needed to buy some stamps but they were out of the cool new ones I'd had my eye on. As luck would have it I was being served by Mr. Surly and he is not usually patient while I choose my stamps. So, we're going through the file folder and I am not seeing anything I like (what? stamps are serious business!) because they were all famous-yet-irrelevant-to-me people.

But then! Then! He offers me 150th anniversary civil war stamps. Be still my beating heart! I very excitedly tell him those are the ones I want and he replies, "I have never seen a woman get excited over civil war stamps. They almost always wants something floral or girly. You have shocked and amazed me."

For the first time since living here Mr. Surly perked up and showed some personality. I love meeting fellow history nerds!

Burned Out But With Good News

I'm burned out on religion stuff. I am supposed to be doing a course where I read the entire bible in 90 days (a tedious undertaking if you want to actually digest what you're reading), a women's bible study on the book of Ruth, and Crazy Love by Francis Chan for our "small group."

I think it is difficult to savor what it is you're trying to learn when you have so many other critical or important things you're trying to do. But! At small group tonight we were discussing a chapter of Crazy Love when I have my own revelation.

God is consistent. Sin is sin. What God views as a sin on Tuesday he will also view as a sin on Wednesday. This makes life very easy. You always know where you stand. Some people might resist this notion because it makes it hard to justify things but if you let the principle guide you, you'll probably do pretty good. It is when you approach with the attitude of, "Well, we're all sinners so I am bound to fail. I will just ask forgiveness later" then you're probably setting yourself up for failure in God's eyes and your own. Nobody has to fail. That is a comforting feeling to end my week with.

Marital Musings

Mr. Case and I are discussing P90X...

Me: I don't want to do it because I don't want to get buff. I don't mind being firm but I like curves.

Mr. Case: You can do side bends or sit-ups, but please don't lost that butt!

Me: Did you just quote Sir Mix-A-Lot?

Mr. Case: Maybeeeeeee!

My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding

Is anyone else watching this show? I find it intriguing, not to mention I love anything wedding-related.

I have noticed that as a whole, the group is devoutly religious. No pre-marital sex, no socializing with the opposite sex unless supervised, etc. So what I want to know is:

How can they be so "religious" but have no regard whatsoever for modesty? I mean, from the outfits on the guests to the bridal gowns, there is a TON of T&A! My wedding gown was strapless but I'm flat-chested and there was no cleavage to speak of. If I were busty, I would've worn a different style. I'm not anti-sexy but these are very young girls putting their goods on display. There is no way in hell I would've ever made it out the door in one of those outfits (call it the fear of the wrath of my Dad, LOL.)

So, do you think it is possible to respect your body while still leaving very, very little to the imagination?

Just Keepin' It Real

Yesterday I wrote a glowing post about Mr. Case on our family blog. I still mean everything I wrote, but something went horribly wrong last night.

First we got to the gym and the pool was closed so I had to sit around bored till Mr. Case was done with his workout (not his fault, as he offered to leave knowing I was in my swimsuit, and he DID buy me a smoothie to occupy my time.) Then he wanted In n Out for dinner and I wasn't in the mood. They proceeded to screw up my order four freaking times! Needless to say, I was in a foul mood by the time we got home to actually eat at 9 p.m. I can't typically eat that late because of the medicine I take for heartburn so it felt like one thing after another building up, even though individually those are all really pathetic things to be angry about. Talk about First World problems!

Anyway, I tried to take a shower and pray and calm down but it didn't work. My mind started spinning with every marital insecurity I've ever felt. It was like the devil was sitting on my shoulder. Good grief. I ended up doing The Ugly Cry.

I think the most frustrating part of pregnancy is trying to ascertain what is a hormonal issue versus a legitimate issue. Notably, Mr. Case tried to be loving and comforting to me during the gym/dinner fiasco but things were tense during the breakdown following my shower.

It was just a bad night. Just keepin' it real!

The Fair

I really miss the Orange County Fair. I know compared to the Midwest, it's pretty small and rinky-dink but I grew up attending and darn it I will miss it this year! Supposedly Texas has one of the most epic fairs in the entire country but I am skeptical I will be able to attend in my "condition." This is what I am indulging in to pretend:

Image via taquitos.net

Coincidence?

Poor Miss Paris has a ton of hair. The humane thing in this heat is to get her a military-style haircut, which is to say, do our best to make her look masculine. She gets everything shaved! Her groomers in the past would always try to affix a bow despite the lack of hair but this groomer puts a bandanna on. Here she is after her last trip to get beautified:

Do you notice she's wearing a Breast Cancer Awareness bandanna? Do you think the groomer noticed she is "different"? She's seen vets who haven't even realized she's missing all her nipples until I point it out. After her double mastectomy last year, she is wearing this bandanna with pride!

Fairweather Fan

Yesterday Mr. Case mentioned meeting up with some of his (male friends) from church to watch the Mavericks slaughter the Heat. This was an excellent idea to me, as I had no interest in watching the game.

Well, our money tree has yet to bloom so from there I suggested he invite his friends over to our home to watch. From there I learned several of the wives (AKA my dear sweet friends) also wanted to watch the game.  None of my friends have even been interested in sports so this was new for me; I'm much more accustomed to sitting at the table to chat while the game goes on.

You know where this is going, right?

An impromptu party! Our group is famous for the amount of Little Caesar's pizza we buy and last night was no exception. I also baked a butter pecan cake and some brownies. Another friend brought watermelon while still another brought a fruit pizza.

The Mavericks won so I will consider the night a success. Being pregnant got me out of almost all the cleaning and preparations! Next time I fully expect more than 4 hours notice from Mr. Case before hosting an event for 8 people, ha! All in all a great time was had by all.

On Honesty

About six months ago, I decided to start being honest in my marriage.

OK, I admit that is an absurd statement. To clarify, I was never dishonest in my marriage. However, there are varying degrees of honesty in any relationship.

I made a conscious decision to be up-front about my feelings. No beating around the bush. No withholding how I felt to spare my husband. No leaving passive/aggressive hints like crumbs for a mouse. I decided I was just going to cut to the chase and speak my peace.

Even if it felt like pulling a tooth with no anesthetic.

And sometimes it does. OK, to be fair, many times it does!

For the sake of disclosure, I will say that Mr. Case and I have always been resolutely devoted to working on communication. Or at a minimum, he goes along with whatever I want to try. We had pre-marital counseling, and literally since we were first married we have been active in marriage groups within our church, attended retreats,  read books and guides, etc. I married a good sport. Well, in fairness, I guess calling Mr. Case a "good sport" is demeaning because obviously he is committed, too, or else he wouldn't partake in all this. I guess what I'm trying to say is, we work really hard.

Moving has been difficult. Being each other's sole source of entertainment for quite a while, and having no other outlets, challenged our communication.  I decided we could stand to improve. Part of my epiphany was acknowledging that it is easy to reflect on my spouse's flaws, but that true change would need to start with my own flaws.

The changes within myself have left me feeling liberated. I just take a deep breath and say how I feel. Seems so simple, right? Maybe even a little stoopid. I can't say where my mindset originated (the media? family or origin?) but I have conditioned myself to holding back. Mostly it was out of fear.

And let me assure you, Mr. Case is benefiting from this, too. He doesn't have to play psychic. He is relieved to hear what is upsetting me, and he is even more relieved when I tell him what he needs to do to fix it, rather than him having to speculate and hope something works. It is easy for me to think that after a certain number of years he should "know" what to do but in reality, that's unfair. It's easier for both of us to fix big issues and little ones if we know what the person needs. A lot of emotional exhaustion has been removed from situations, making it much, much easier to move forward.

This new found honesty hasn't prevented any disagreements, as surely anyone in a long-term relationship can understand that things will never be "perfect." But it sure as hell helps to remove an extra level of drama that is entirely unnecessary.

The level of intimacy we can achieve by allowing ourselves to be vulnerable is amazing. At one point I found myself saying, 'If we can't be honest with each other, than who can we be honest with? At this point in our lives, we deserve that honesty. A spouse should be a safety zone." Mr. Case concurred.

So yeah, it hurts. But the end result is always better than if we'd continued playing charades. I'm very proud of us.

And to think, it only took slightly more than half a decade to get here....

Party Foul!

I was woken first thing this morning by a call from the fraud department of my bank. Well, more accurately, their third party firm who handles fraud. I guess someone stole my debit card number (I have the actual card in my possession.) The thief has been on a fine dining adventure across NYC. 

On the one hand, I am so very, very thankful for the bank's diligence in bringing this to my attention and cancelling my card before it could get worse.

On the other hand, I am now in a state of panic. Mr. Case just barely started back to work this week so we haven't seen a check in 5 weeks. We had literally just enough money to pay my COBRA and for my prescription blood thinners. Now, not so much. Thankfully I have enough injections to get me through to Monday when I can call the bank. My prescription is at Sam's Club and I always pay cash because I don't have a MasterCard, which is the only credit card they accept. I'm really praying that recuperating our funds is a quick process.  

I'm quite perplexed as to how they got the card number. I never, EVER use my debit card to make purchases online and I ALWAYS use it as a credit card, not debit card, when I get gas. Those are supposedly the two ways they can steal a number easiest. Otherwise, I've been broke and haven't been anywhere to make purchases, LOL. I guess it is a moot point, anyway, since they have the number and were using it. Let me just reiterate how thankful I am my bank was proactive. My parents want me to switch banks now but I refuse-one time my husband's card was stolen and they were excellent in resolving our issues so I am entirely loyal to them!!

Tomorrow

Tomorrow is going to be a big day up in the Case household. In the morning I have a pregnancy-related doctor's appointment (growth ultrasound) and Mr. Case is taking a drug test. 

The drug test is for a job he reallllllly wants. This potential job would mean rotating Saturdays off, better health benefits, and a quitting time of 5 p.m. 

The downside is that the dealership is sort've far, but we're at the stage where until he can leave his industry completely, we need to "give a little to get a little." Aside from the commute, the job is amazing. I really hope he gets the job. He passed the background check and he will (obviously) pass the drug test tomorrow. I am not sure what other requirements they have but with any sort of miracle he will be working sometime this week. Praise God! He has two other offers but one offers no health benefits whatsoever, and they are both 6 days a week; I don't think I need to explain why this neither of those is ideal. 

Please send up some prayers for Mr. Case. Heck, even crossed fingers are appreciated!

Simply Put

My anxiety and fears are getting the best of me today...they don't deserve my worst, let alone my best!  Health issues, money issues, blah, blah, blah.

Not where my heart should be.

Do you ever feel this way? Like you're spiraling out of control and you need to re-focus?

I need to disconnect from the world and get my act together.

Tomorrow is a new day-catch ya on the flip side!