Me: I don't want to do it because I don't want to get buff. I don't mind being firm but I like curves.
Mr. Case: You can do side bends or sit-ups, but please don't lost that butt!
Me: Did you just quote Sir Mix-A-Lot?
Mr. Case: Maybeeeeeee!
Showing posts with label Marriage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Marriage. Show all posts
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Just Keepin' It Real
Yesterday I wrote a glowing post about Mr. Case on our family blog. I still mean everything I wrote, but something went horribly wrong last night.
First we got to the gym and the pool was closed so I had to sit around bored till Mr. Case was done with his workout (not his fault, as he offered to leave knowing I was in my swimsuit, and he DID buy me a smoothie to occupy my time.) Then he wanted In n Out for dinner and I wasn't in the mood. They proceeded to screw up my order four freaking times! Needless to say, I was in a foul mood by the time we got home to actually eat at 9 p.m. I can't typically eat that late because of the medicine I take for heartburn so it felt like one thing after another building up, even though individually those are all really pathetic things to be angry about. Talk about First World problems!
Anyway, I tried to take a shower and pray and calm down but it didn't work. My mind started spinning with every marital insecurity I've ever felt. It was like the devil was sitting on my shoulder. Good grief. I ended up doing The Ugly Cry.
I think the most frustrating part of pregnancy is trying to ascertain what is a hormonal issue versus a legitimate issue. Notably, Mr. Case tried to be loving and comforting to me during the gym/dinner fiasco but things were tense during the breakdown following my shower.
It was just a bad night. Just keepin' it real!
First we got to the gym and the pool was closed so I had to sit around bored till Mr. Case was done with his workout (not his fault, as he offered to leave knowing I was in my swimsuit, and he DID buy me a smoothie to occupy my time.) Then he wanted In n Out for dinner and I wasn't in the mood. They proceeded to screw up my order four freaking times! Needless to say, I was in a foul mood by the time we got home to actually eat at 9 p.m. I can't typically eat that late because of the medicine I take for heartburn so it felt like one thing after another building up, even though individually those are all really pathetic things to be angry about. Talk about First World problems!
Anyway, I tried to take a shower and pray and calm down but it didn't work. My mind started spinning with every marital insecurity I've ever felt. It was like the devil was sitting on my shoulder. Good grief. I ended up doing The Ugly Cry.
I think the most frustrating part of pregnancy is trying to ascertain what is a hormonal issue versus a legitimate issue. Notably, Mr. Case tried to be loving and comforting to me during the gym/dinner fiasco but things were tense during the breakdown following my shower.
It was just a bad night. Just keepin' it real!
Thursday, June 9, 2011
On Honesty
About six months ago, I decided to start being honest in my marriage.
OK, I admit that is an absurd statement. To clarify, I was never dishonest in my marriage. However, there are varying degrees of honesty in any relationship.
I made a conscious decision to be up-front about my feelings. No beating around the bush. No withholding how I felt to spare my husband. No leaving passive/aggressive hints like crumbs for a mouse. I decided I was just going to cut to the chase and speak my peace.
Even if it felt like pulling a tooth with no anesthetic.
And sometimes it does. OK, to be fair, many times it does!
For the sake of disclosure, I will say that Mr. Case and I have always been resolutely devoted to working on communication. Or at a minimum, he goes along with whatever I want to try. We had pre-marital counseling, and literally since we were first married we have been active in marriage groups within our church, attended retreats, read books and guides, etc. I married a good sport. Well, in fairness, I guess calling Mr. Case a "good sport" is demeaning because obviously he is committed, too, or else he wouldn't partake in all this. I guess what I'm trying to say is, we work really hard.
Moving has been difficult. Being each other's sole source of entertainment for quite a while, and having no other outlets, challenged our communication. I decided we could stand to improve. Part of my epiphany was acknowledging that it is easy to reflect on my spouse's flaws, but that true change would need to start with my own flaws.
The changes within myself have left me feeling liberated. I just take a deep breath and say how I feel. Seems so simple, right? Maybe even a little stoopid. I can't say where my mindset originated (the media? family or origin?) but I have conditioned myself to holding back. Mostly it was out of fear.
And let me assure you, Mr. Case is benefiting from this, too. He doesn't have to play psychic. He is relieved to hear what is upsetting me, and he is even more relieved when I tell him what he needs to do to fix it, rather than him having to speculate and hope something works. It is easy for me to think that after a certain number of years he should "know" what to do but in reality, that's unfair. It's easier for both of us to fix big issues and little ones if we know what the person needs. A lot of emotional exhaustion has been removed from situations, making it much, much easier to move forward.
This new found honesty hasn't prevented any disagreements, as surely anyone in a long-term relationship can understand that things will never be "perfect." But it sure as hell helps to remove an extra level of drama that is entirely unnecessary.
The level of intimacy we can achieve by allowing ourselves to be vulnerable is amazing. At one point I found myself saying, 'If we can't be honest with each other, than who can we be honest with? At this point in our lives, we deserve that honesty. A spouse should be a safety zone." Mr. Case concurred.
So yeah, it hurts. But the end result is always better than if we'd continued playing charades. I'm very proud of us.
And to think, it only took slightly more than half a decade to get here....
OK, I admit that is an absurd statement. To clarify, I was never dishonest in my marriage. However, there are varying degrees of honesty in any relationship.
I made a conscious decision to be up-front about my feelings. No beating around the bush. No withholding how I felt to spare my husband. No leaving passive/aggressive hints like crumbs for a mouse. I decided I was just going to cut to the chase and speak my peace.
Even if it felt like pulling a tooth with no anesthetic.
And sometimes it does. OK, to be fair, many times it does!
For the sake of disclosure, I will say that Mr. Case and I have always been resolutely devoted to working on communication. Or at a minimum, he goes along with whatever I want to try. We had pre-marital counseling, and literally since we were first married we have been active in marriage groups within our church, attended retreats, read books and guides, etc. I married a good sport. Well, in fairness, I guess calling Mr. Case a "good sport" is demeaning because obviously he is committed, too, or else he wouldn't partake in all this. I guess what I'm trying to say is, we work really hard.
Moving has been difficult. Being each other's sole source of entertainment for quite a while, and having no other outlets, challenged our communication. I decided we could stand to improve. Part of my epiphany was acknowledging that it is easy to reflect on my spouse's flaws, but that true change would need to start with my own flaws.
The changes within myself have left me feeling liberated. I just take a deep breath and say how I feel. Seems so simple, right? Maybe even a little stoopid. I can't say where my mindset originated (the media? family or origin?) but I have conditioned myself to holding back. Mostly it was out of fear.
And let me assure you, Mr. Case is benefiting from this, too. He doesn't have to play psychic. He is relieved to hear what is upsetting me, and he is even more relieved when I tell him what he needs to do to fix it, rather than him having to speculate and hope something works. It is easy for me to think that after a certain number of years he should "know" what to do but in reality, that's unfair. It's easier for both of us to fix big issues and little ones if we know what the person needs. A lot of emotional exhaustion has been removed from situations, making it much, much easier to move forward.
This new found honesty hasn't prevented any disagreements, as surely anyone in a long-term relationship can understand that things will never be "perfect." But it sure as hell helps to remove an extra level of drama that is entirely unnecessary.
The level of intimacy we can achieve by allowing ourselves to be vulnerable is amazing. At one point I found myself saying, 'If we can't be honest with each other, than who can we be honest with? At this point in our lives, we deserve that honesty. A spouse should be a safety zone." Mr. Case concurred.
So yeah, it hurts. But the end result is always better than if we'd continued playing charades. I'm very proud of us.
And to think, it only took slightly more than half a decade to get here....
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Love!
If you're in the mood to be moved, this YouTube video speaks for itself and is worthy of your time. I love a good marriage proposal!
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Marriage
Thursday, February 24, 2011
True Love
True Love is when you continuously eat crackers/cookies/crunchy stuff that leaves crumbs on your spouse's side of the bed and they don't say a word about it!
Yup, I married a saint. What'd he get out of the deal? A shrew! Ha!
Yup, I married a saint. What'd he get out of the deal? A shrew! Ha!
Saturday, February 19, 2011
On Marriage
My parents have lived a lot of life in the close to 40 years they've been together (married 38 this September.) They have lived through the death of parents, ups and downs, their marriage survived having a child with cancer (no small feat, I assure you), significant financial gains and losses, etc.
Obviously I am very proud that they are still married. Many people have quit through much less. and if I am to be honest, they have weathered some very, very rough storms. To say their marriage is imperfect is an understatement. But then, who does have the perfect marriage?
If I know one thing, it is this: whether they are on great terms or bad, they always go out on dates. Even when we were small, they'd sneak away for the weekend or at least go out to dinner. They made the time. I'm confident this is one of the sole reasons they survived.
Mr. Case says he has not one memory of his parents ever going out alone, together. Not one. His parents are divorced. I wasn't part of their marriage so I can't say if this was a contributing factor but I do know I have an ingrained fear/presumption that couples who don't spend time together alone, run the risk of waking up one day not knowing who their spouse is anymore. What happens when your kids grow up to live their own lives?
I am 29, my middle brother is 22 and my baby brother is 20. My parents still plot elaborate, detailed plans and schemes to find time without us. For instance, last night they had to make a run to "Wal-mart" when in reality they wanted to go out to dinner and didn't want any uninvited guests. This did not offend me in the least.
Mr. Case and I promise one another on a weekly basis that we will never turn our heads and question when the last time we spent time alone, out of the house was. I know things will be changing in our near future, but I also know we have some control. I intend to exercise it. Sometimes an hour away for coffee can make a difference, ya know?
Monday, February 7, 2011
Romance, From the Inside
A few days ago Mr. Case came home very excited that he had a surprise for me!
I love surprises!
In the past, he has set out roses, balloons, etc. and I have been oblivious (usually after a long day at work when I come home and just want to plop on the couch.) He is forever chiding me that I don't notice his gestures of love. This is probably why he went out of his way to tell me I was getting a treat, rather than waiting for me to notice it on my own.
In perhaps the most obvious symbol that our marriage is evolving, I must share with you what the surprise was: a new toothbrush.
Friends, do not balk. My husband spoils me with the requisite flowers and trinkets, but this toothbrush was a sweeping gesture that proves Mr. Case really knows me. You see, I am somewhat obsessed with dental hygiene. When it is time for a new toothbrush I peruse the aisle for a good 20 minutes and usually leave feeling downright giddy over my new purchase. In this case, a dentist had sent someone to his job to advertise their services and everyone got to pick a new brush.
Mine is pink.
That, to me, is true love.
I love surprises!
In the past, he has set out roses, balloons, etc. and I have been oblivious (usually after a long day at work when I come home and just want to plop on the couch.) He is forever chiding me that I don't notice his gestures of love. This is probably why he went out of his way to tell me I was getting a treat, rather than waiting for me to notice it on my own.
In perhaps the most obvious symbol that our marriage is evolving, I must share with you what the surprise was: a new toothbrush.
Friends, do not balk. My husband spoils me with the requisite flowers and trinkets, but this toothbrush was a sweeping gesture that proves Mr. Case really knows me. You see, I am somewhat obsessed with dental hygiene. When it is time for a new toothbrush I peruse the aisle for a good 20 minutes and usually leave feeling downright giddy over my new purchase. In this case, a dentist had sent someone to his job to advertise their services and everyone got to pick a new brush.
Mine is pink.
That, to me, is true love.
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